Rachel Barkules, Author at Life's Candy Jar

Good Bye 2018, HELLO 2019!!!!

January 13, 2019 by Rachel Barkules

I am so happy to bring in a new year! This is the first time in my life I have felt this way. I have never been a ‘new year, new me’ kind of girl. I don’t wait for a new calendar year to set goals or evaluate my life and make changes. But this year felt different for me. 2018 was a shitty year (pardon my French) and I could not wait to leave it behind me!

2018 was one of the most challenging years of my life. In my family we had 2 divorces and 3 deaths. There was also challenges with my kids at school, my best friend had a major health scare, and many other challenging things. I remember a day in June, everything had been piling up for months and I was barely holding it together. Something difficult happened in the morning, then that afternoon I got devastating news. I couldn’t hold it together any more, I fell apart and had an emotional breakdown. I was in my Mom’s arms crying the hardest I have ever cried; I truly felt like I wouldn’t be able to go on. Like I wouldn’t make it out of this in one piece. It all was too much and I didn’t know how I would move forward from that moment.

I’m not saying any of this to complain or get pity. We all have bad years and low moments we fear we won’t be able to come out of. You are not alone in this. My advice is to reach out to who can help you and tell them you need help. Go to therapy, talk to friends and family, heal your mind and emotions and focus on moving forward.

I have an amazing family and support system. They were there for me in my darkest moments. They helped me stand when I couldn’t stand on my own. I couldn’t have gone thru 2018 without them. What helped me the most is when I took responsibility for my emotional healing. Yes, my family and friends are there for me. But it’s my responsibility to take the necessary steps towards healing and moving forward.

I think of it like this: my support system helps me stand when I am down. But I have to make the decision to take steps forward. I am the only one who can move my feet one foot in front of the other. In the beginning of my healing process it was a joint effort of my family and friends holding me up while I took my first steps. Then when I felt strong enough I was able to walk on my own. Now I can run on my own :)

I took 3 months off of work and made it my full time job to better myself and be a good Mom. I went to therapy twice a week (90 minutes – 2 hours each session), I was reading every day, working out, eating healthy, praying, going to church. I took control of my life and focused on being healthy in my mind, body and soul. If I was having a hard day, I would call someone and talk to them. I didn’t sit home alone feeling sad. I reached out and asked for help if I needed it. After 3 months I was a completely different woman!!

I am currently mentally & emotionally the strongest and healthiest I have ever been! I have a calm and a peace I have never known. Small things don’t get me worked up like they used to. Yes, I still have bad days and get in fussy moods. But those are now moments or a day. It’s not my life every day and every moment. I am still going to therapy every week because I know there is much more I can work on and I want to keep bettering myself. I want to be the best version of me! I’m so excited to see what this year brings!!

The last couple weeks of 2018 I felt a change in the air. I felt like all the bad stuff is behind me and great things are ahead. I keep getting this picture in my mind of a building with a poor foundation. You first have to tear down the building, fix the foundation, then you can rebuild. 2018 was a tearing down and fixing things, which is very painful and uncomfortable. 2019 is rebuilding! I am excited to be in a place to have happiness, joy, fun memories, love, lots of laughter, babies (a friend of mine is pregnant- not me! :) ), new experiences, peace, adventure, excitement and tons of fun!

2019 is going to be a great year!!!

XO, Rachel

BTW- This faux fur jacket I’m wearing is one of my favorite jackets I own!! I got it last year, wore it a ton then and a ton this year! It looks and feels so much more expensive than it is!

August #OOTD’s & Makeup Details

September 11, 2018 by Rachel Barkules

OUTFIT DETAILS & MAKEUP DETAILS

Leith LBD (under $80) | Burberry ‘White Gold’ Highlighter

OUTFIT DETAILS

Sanctuary Camo Hoodie

MAKEUP DETAILS

OUTFIT DETAILS & MAKEUP DETAILS

Distressed Tee | Zella Joggers | Steve Madden Sandals | Quay Bag (only $40!) | Morphe ‘Hot Shot’ Liquid Lipstick

OUTFIT DETAILS

Topshop Jacket | Topshop Tank | Lululemon Biker Shorts (sold out), similar Here & Here | Chanel Sneakers, similar Here, similar for less

OUTFIT DETAILS

Express Tee | Lana Jewelry Necklace

MAKEUP DETAILS

Jaclyn Hill x Morphe Eyeshadow Palette | Too Faced ‘Better Than Sex’ Mascara | Chanel Foundation | Dior Backstage Glow Highlight Palette (obsessed!!!) | Kat Von D ‘Ophelia’ Liquid Lipstick

OUTFIT DETAILS

Topshop Jacket | Tank | Madewell Shorts | Lana Jewelry Necklace, similar under $50 | Chanel Sneakers, similar Here, similar for less

MAKEUP DETAILS

OUTFIT DETAILS & MAKEUP DETAILS

Life Update, I’m Divorced

September 8, 2018 by Rachel Barkules

I want to talk today about something extremely personal and difficult for me to talk about. I know that I don’t ever owe anyone an explanation about my personal life, but I want to be real with you. It may seem like I share everything about my personal life thru social media, but I really only share about 20% of my life. I tend to be a more private person and keep most matters just amongst my family and closest friends.

My hope in sharing on this delicate subject is that it will help others who are going thru a similar situation.

John and I are divorced. I will admit, I never thought I would ever be saying or writing these words. This has been the hardest decision I have ever made in my entire life. We started the process of separating in January. Our divorce just recently became finalized.

What went wrong? Nothing major, there wasn’t one thing that brought us to divorce. No one cheated, no drugs, no abuse. It was more like 1000 small things went wrong. We got married very young when we were still babies. As we grew up, we grew apart and out of love. We became room mates and friends. That’s how we have lived for a very long time.

John and I mastered how to coexist and run a home and family together as friends. Not even my family knew I was unhappy. I’ve always been very good at putting on a happy smile and acting like everything is okay. But that isn’t a way to live. Everyone deserves to be happy and in love. Being married to your room mate is very lonely. Every woman desires a romantic relationship, full of affection and to be taken care of.

Having children is what made me hold on to the marriage for so much longer than I probably should have. I put all my feelings aside and neglected my own heart. I kept thinking that if I try this, or we try that, things will get better. They have to get better, I have children! I don’t want to raise my kids in a broken home. But eventually when things get worse year by year I was forced to face reality. I then thought to myself, what’s worse… Raising kids in a home where Mom & Dad fight and don’t show any affection or love to each other? Or raising kids with divorced parents who get along as friends?

It may be easy for someone to say that money has gone to our heads and ruined us. It is the exact opposite. John and I have struggled financially most of our marriage. I would often use financial stress as a reason why our marriage wasn’t working. “If I work harder and earn more money, our financial stress will go away and we will stop fighting and we will finally be happy”, I would tell myself. Then we got to a place where we didn’t have financial stress any more, yet we were still fighting and unhappy. I was forced to face the fact that we had serious marriage problems there were never related to a lack of money. The root of the problems were in our relationship.

How are Caleb & Sofia? Obviously a divorce with young kids is extremely hard! There is no way around it. John and I went to counseling to prepare for how to tell our kids, what to say and what not to say. They were of course devastated when we first told them. We talked to them about this a couple months ago while John was still living at home. Now that he has moved out and has been on his own for a while, the kids are still getting adjusted to it but are doing so much better than they were a few months ago. They both told me the idea of a divorce was much worse than it actually is.

John and I made a promise we would never talk bad or say anything negative about the other person to our kids. We are trying to make this process the least painful it can be for them. A divorce in itself is so hard for children, I don’t want to add to it and make it any worse than it has to be.

How am I? If you had asked me a month ago I would have told you: I have good days and I have bad days. And some times it goes moment by moment. One minute I am doing great and very positive about the future, the next I’m bursting into tears. The loss of a marriage is similar to mourning a death. At times it has been very difficult to keep myself composed for my children, for my job, or for life. At other times I feel very motivated to keep moving forward and excited about what my future will bring.

At this current moment, I am feeling great 95% of the time (a month of healing can change a lot!). I feel strong, independent, and excited for my future. When one door closes another one opens. I’m stepping into a new chapter of my life full of endless possibilities. I have kept myself busy with Caleb and Sofia. I have been working on myself a lot with reading, therapy, church and praying. When the kids are in bed at night, those couple hours before I go to bed are always the hardest. Those are the moments I can feel lonely. I have learned to fill that time with reading or watching a good movie.

When I got married I thought it would be forever. Last month was my 15 year wedding anniversary. When I was newly wed I had so many dreams and goals of what we would be doing, where we would be in 15 years. Only a couple months into marriage I had already started planning a trip for where we would go to celebrate 15 years. I never imagined on that day I would be getting a divorce and starting over. One of the hardest parts in losing my marriage is accepting the loss of a dream.

There have been many moments of extreme loneliness. After being in a relationship for 15 years, I’m not used to doing anything alone. The first night I was home alone was very scary, and sad. I have to admit I drank an entire bottle of wine, watched chick flicks and cried. I have had to relearn how to be on my own (still learning). How to do everything myself and be completely independent. All while taking care of my children and my home. Props to all the single Moms out there, it’s hard work!!!

What now? John and I have remained friends (I know that sounds cliche but it’s true). We still do things together with our kids. I think this has helped Caleb & Sofia tremendously with this adjustment. They get to see us as Mom & Dad who are friends, even though we aren’t married. We both attend family birthday parties, we will take the kids to the movies or have a meal together with our kids. We plan on spending holidays together with Caleb & Sofia and family.

Now that we aren’t married there isn’t anything to fight about. All of our problems were in our marriage, in all of the husband and wife stuff. Take the marriage away, and we get to be just friends. We have children together, which means we will be in each others lives forever whether we like it or not. We may as well make the best of it and get along and be friends. Any time I get frustrated, I picture Caleb and Sofia’s faces in my mind; this always helps me take the high road and do the right thing.

Next steps… It has been an adjustment for me to be single. I haven’t been single since I was 19. I went from being single living with my parents, to being married and living with John. I have never lived on my own. It’s been very strange (and uncomfortable) going places and showing up to events alone. I’m told I will eventually get used to it and even enjoy being single. I really hope that is true!

Right now I am focusing on getting myself into a healthy mindset, going to therapy and getting healing, attending church and bible study. And putting most of my attention on Caleb & Sofia. I want to build back up a new life, a new normal for the 3 of us. My love for my kids is my driving force every day to get out of bed and keep moving forward! I want to show them that their Mom is a strong, independent woman!

I want to thank all of you for your continued love and support for me and my family. I can’t put into words how much it means to me. I think about all the DM’s, emails and comments I’ve received from caring people asking if everything is okay. I have seen them all and they have helped me get thru this process. Thank you so much! And I’ll see you next blog post :)

XO, Rachel

Sephora Beauty Insider Event – Up to 20% OFF! What’s in My Shopping Bag

August 30, 2018 by Rachel Barkules

Rouge Members: Aug 24th- Sept 3rd – 20% off – Use Code: YESROUGE
VIB Members: Aug 30th – Sept 3rd – 15% off – Use Code: YESVIB
Beauty Insider Members: Aug 30th – Sept 3rd – 10% off – Use Code: YESINSIDER

Twice a year Sephora shows appreciation to their customers by offering a discount off your entire purchase. I love to use this time to stock up on my favorites items. And also try a few new things.

Favorites I’m Re-Purchasing
These are all makeup items I can not live without. I couldn’t even do my makeup one time without them. I know I will use them time and time again. So I always get at least one of each while they are on sale. I get my favorite mascara (the only one I ever wear!), eyebrow pencil (I wear shade ‘soft brown’) and brow gel, face setting powder, eyeliner pencil, under eye setting powder. I also like to pick up a mini Champagne Pop highlight for travel.

I also get some of my favorite hair and body products as well. My fave volume texture hair spray, dry shampoo, both of my favorite perfumes Coco Chanel & Chanel Chance, body lotion & face wash.

New Things I’m Trying
LIPSTICKS: I’ve been loving nude liquids lipsticks lately. I know that I love the Bare Minerals and the Kat Von D liquid lipstick formulas. So I am going to pick up a couple different shades to try out. Last fall I wore the Kat Von D ‘Lovecraft’ so much and was obsessed! This year I want to try the shades: Ludwig, Ophelia & Lolita. I have several of the Bare Minerals shades, but most of mine are bold colors. I do have 1 nude shade in the color ‘Infamous’ and I love it. I’m also going to get the shade Wink.

FACE: When I was at my sister’s house last time I used this Dior highlighter that was on her vanity. I was so obsessed with it I have to get one of my own. I want to try the new GlamGlow highlighter palette. The colors look gorgeous! And this under eye setting powder says it blurs lines, yes please! Ordering this :)

Reviewing My Hair Extensions & My Holy Grail Hair Products

August 21, 2018 by Rachel Barkules

I have had hair extensions for about 6 months. I originally put them in because my hair in the front wasn’t as long as my back, and the front was much thinner. I’m trying to grow my hair out, and for some reason my front is having a hard time growing. While my back is growing like a weed! So I added extensions for length and fullness in the front. My stylist uses the tape in extensions from hairtalk.

You can see the picture on the left how thin and short my hair is in the front. Picture on the right is with my extensions in. Much more length and fullness!

My hope is to have the tape in extensions in while my hair grows out. Then once all my hair is past my shoulders I won’t need the extensions any more. But I have gotten used to all the fullness, I am wondering if I will ever be able to live without them now. I’m totally obsessed!

My review: The extensions are very comfortable, I rarely ever notice I have them in. For the first couple days to a week of having them freshly done, they can feel a bit tight. I can wake up a few times a night because I notice them when I move my head around on my pillow. But this is only the first couple days to a week. After that I don’t notice them at all.

I only have to wash my hair twice a week. Which is a huge plus! The extensions never really look dirty. I shampoo like regular, I am a little more gentle on my scalp. I don’t want to tug on an extension and pull on my real hair. Since I do work out several days a week, I plan my sweaty work outs for the days that I wash my hair.

Absolutely no conditioner on the tape!!! This is a big NO NO! No conditioner or oil products on the tape ever. It will loosen the tape and the extension will fall out. I put some conditioner on the ends of my real hair without it getting anywhere close to the tape. I some times apply a very small amount of conditioner on the ends of my extensions. But not too much because they hang funny and separate when dry. I think extensions actually look best and more full without conditioner (even though it’s more of pain to dry them).

I have my extensions redone every 10 weeks. For me, at 10 weeks they have grown out enough that they become hard to style. You can start to see the tape if my hair moves in the wrong way. And plus my roots have grown out and it’s time for highlights anyway.

When you purchase a pack of hair, it can be used 3 times. So when I go in at 10 weeks, my extensions are first removed. Then whatever color/highlights I’m doing that day. Then the same extensions are put back in. After they are used 3 times I have to buy new packs of hair.

It is very difficult to put my hair in a pony tail with extensions. Mostly because my length is a little shorter. A low pony is about all I can do. If I try to put it any higher it’s very uncomfortable on my hair, it feels like it is tugging. And most of the time you can see the tape. This is why I wear hats a lot. I wear baseball hats to the gym a lot and when I’m out running errands. After I have had the extensions in for about a month and my hair has grown out a little, the extensions are looser and easier to wear a pony.

1 & 2: Oribe Bright Blonde Shampoo & Bright Blonde Conditioner: I have tried so many different shampoos and conditioners. This one is my absolute favorite. This is my daily shampoo and conditioner. My hair feels clean and hydrated (feeling hydrated can be very difficult for blondes). When I shampoo, I leave the shampoo in my hair for several minutes before I rinse it out. This makes sure my hair is always the perfect shade of blonde that I love. The conditioner is amazing. It keeps my hair moisturized without weighing it down.

3 & 4: Oribe Dry Texturizing Spray & Bumble & Bumble Thickening Dryspun Finish Spray: Both of these products are similar but sooooo different! And so necessary! They both are a texturizing spray that you put on your dry hair. But they have very different textures and feels to them. After I have curled my hair, I shake the curls out with my hands. Then I spray both of these all over of my hair. I make sure to not just spray on the top. I lift my hair and get the product through out all of my hair. I even spray underneath my hair. Using both of these is what gives my hair all the texture and volume. The Oribe one gives more texture, the Bumble & Bumble one gives more volume. I’ve tried to use one without the other, but the overall look is not the same. I need both! These texturizing sprays with my teasing brush is my secret to my hair look! I rarely use a hairspray because these texture sprays works so amazing. But if I do, I use Oribe Hairspray.

5: Oribe Supershine Moisturizing Cream: I apply a small amount of this to my wet hair before I brush and blow dry. My natural hair texture is more wavy and frizzy. This helps tame my hair down and be more smooth and shiny. It also protects my hair from heat tools. It adds moisture and shine without weighing my hair down or making it look greasy. I’ve been using this for years and I still love it!

6: Teaser Brush: I use this brush to tease my hair for more volume. I will use this brush before and after I spray the texture sprays. Gently back comb your hair with this brush at the root and at the ends. When I’m done my hair will look huge, but it will fall a little bit so don’t be afraid :)

7 & 8: Matrix So Silver Shampoo & Brass Off Shampoo: These are both toning and color correcting shampoos. I use the So Silver every 2 or so weeks. This will remove any yellow tones that have tried to creep in. I apply the shampoo and leave it in for 5-10 minutes. Every time I use this shampoo I see a noticeable difference in the brightness and iciness of my blonde.

I got the Brass Off because a couple months ago my hair turned no joke… pink! It had some kind of reaction to the pool I was in and the sun. My hair looked horrible. I tried all my other shampoos and nothing helped. I got this Brass Off shampoo and it helped sooo much. After 2 washes and my hair was back to normal. This one helps if you hair has turned orange, brass or pink (in my case).

How I style my hair: After I apply the Oribe Supershine Moisturizing Cream, I blow dry my hair using my hands and with a round brush. I don’t focus on every single hair being perfect. I mostly focus on the top and front being smooth. And make sure there are any weird kinks in my hair that will make it difficult to style.

After my hair is dry, I will straighten just the ends of my hair if I need to. I only do this if my ends are flipping in a direction I don’t like. I then take a 1″ curling wand and curl about half my hair very loosely. I’m looking for more of a bend than a curl. I don’t like to curl all my hair because I want that “undone” look. Then using a straightener (it has to be one with rounded edges) curl a few pieces of hair. I also will use it to straighten out some of the curls I just put in if they are too curly. I like to play around with it until I get the look I want. Using both the curling wand and straightener creates a lot of movement and texture, giving that effortless look.

I finish up with shaking my hair out with my hands, spraying both texture sprays and fluffing with my teaser brush. My attitude towards styling my hair to not do it perfect. Play around with your hair and have fun!