I am so happy to bring in a new year! This is the first time in my life I have felt this way. I have never been a ‘new year, new me’ kind of girl. I don’t wait for a new calendar year to set goals or evaluate my life and make changes. But this year felt different for me. 2018 was a shitty year (pardon my French) and I could not wait to leave it behind me!
2018 was one of the most challenging years of my life. In my family we had 2 divorces and 3 deaths. There was also challenges with my kids at school, my best friend had a major health scare, and many other challenging things. I remember a day in June, everything had been piling up for months and I was barely holding it together. Something difficult happened in the morning, then that afternoon I got devastating news. I couldn’t hold it together any more, I fell apart and had an emotional breakdown. I was in my Mom’s arms crying the hardest I have ever cried; I truly felt like I wouldn’t be able to go on. Like I wouldn’t make it out of this in one piece. It all was too much and I didn’t know how I would move forward from that moment.
I’m not saying any of this to complain or get pity. We all have bad years and low moments we fear we won’t be able to come out of. You are not alone in this. My advice is to reach out to who can help you and tell them you need help. Go to therapy, talk to friends and family, heal your mind and emotions and focus on moving forward.
I have an amazing family and support system. They were there for me in my darkest moments. They helped me stand when I couldn’t stand on my own. I couldn’t have gone thru 2018 without them. What helped me the most is when I took responsibility for my emotional healing. Yes, my family and friends are there for me. But it’s my responsibility to take the necessary steps towards healing and moving forward.
I think of it like this: my support system helps me stand when I am down. But I have to make the decision to take steps forward. I am the only one who can move my feet one foot in front of the other. In the beginning of my healing process it was a joint effort of my family and friends holding me up while I took my first steps. Then when I felt strong enough I was able to walk on my own. Now I can run on my own :)
I took 3 months off of work and made it my full time job to better myself and be a good Mom. I went to therapy twice a week (90 minutes – 2 hours each session), I was reading every day, working out, eating healthy, praying, going to church. I took control of my life and focused on being healthy in my mind, body and soul. If I was having a hard day, I would call someone and talk to them. I didn’t sit home alone feeling sad. I reached out and asked for help if I needed it. After 3 months I was a completely different woman!!
I am currently mentally & emotionally the strongest and healthiest I have ever been! I have a calm and a peace I have never known. Small things don’t get me worked up like they used to. Yes, I still have bad days and get in fussy moods. But those are now moments or a day. It’s not my life every day and every moment. I am still going to therapy every week because I know there is much more I can work on and I want to keep bettering myself. I want to be the best version of me! I’m so excited to see what this year brings!!
The last couple weeks of 2018 I felt a change in the air. I felt like all the bad stuff is behind me and great things are ahead. I keep getting this picture in my mind of a building with a poor foundation. You first have to tear down the building, fix the foundation, then you can rebuild. 2018 was a tearing down and fixing things, which is very painful and uncomfortable. 2019 is rebuilding! I am excited to be in a place to have happiness, joy, fun memories, love, lots of laughter, babies (a friend of mine is pregnant- not me! :) ), new experiences, peace, adventure, excitement and tons of fun!
2019 is going to be a great year!!!
BTW- This faux fur jacket I’m wearing is one of my favorite jackets I own!! I got it last year, wore it a ton then and a ton this year! It looks and feels so much more expensive than it is!