Know Your Value & Set Your Standards

They say our friends see us 20% better than we see ourselves.  For me, I know this is true.  I actually think my friends see me 100% better than I see myself.  When my friends give me a compliment or tell me nice things about myself, I almost feel like they are talking about someone else.  I definitely don’t see myself as great as they see me.  Is this humility?  Or something else?  

I am a person who is very hard on myself.  I expect a lot!  It’s very easy for me to see my flaws and my negatives.  I put a lot of attention on trying to improve my areas of weakness.  Because my viewpoint is constantly looking at myself thru a lens of needing to improve, I have a hard time seeing the good in myself.  If I’m not seeing the good, I decrease my value.  And in turn, I automatically, without even realizing it, lower my standards.

As I was reflecting on this whole concept this week, here is my realization:  I am confident as a mother, as a friend, as a family member, at work, etc.  But I am so insecure when it comes to men and being in a relationship.  I turn into this woman that I don’t even like.  I am constantly bending and compromising.  I rarely stand up for myself and voice an opinion.  This isn’t my personality at all!  I am strong and bold and loud; in every area of my life except men.  So why do I become this meek insecure woman?  Am I afraid of being alone?  Am I afraid no one will love me?  Am I afraid of rejection?

Then it hit me what it is- I don’t think I deserve the best.  I see all my flaws and I know I’m not perfect.  Therefore, I accept flaws in men that I don’t like.

Let that sink in….

Do you decrease your value?  Then lower your standards?

I have spent some time reflecting on myself and thinking about my positives. It’s wild how I can be everyone’s biggest cheerleader.  I am always so positive and encouraging to the people around me.  But when I stopped to think about my positives, it was actually very difficult for me to look at myself that way.  

I forced myself to sit in this place and really think about my positives.  If I were on the outside looking in, what would I say to me?  I am always so encouraging to my friends.  It is time I am a good friend to myself.  I know it may sound kinda weird, but this mindset helps me so much!  If my best friend or my sister was going thru exactly what I am going thru, what would I say to her?  How would I encourage her?  I guarantee I wouldn’t call her lazy or ugly or fat.  I would call out her positives and encourage her.  A loving friend is so powerful.

I made a list of all my positives, what are the good things I have to offer and bring to a relationship.  As I began thinking from a loving friend perspective, I realized I have a lot more positives than I have been giving myself credit for.  I have been selling myself short for so long, but this will no longer continue!  This gave me back my confidence and strength, I feel powerful inside!  I can finally stand tall with my shoulders back, truly knowing who I am!

Now that I truly know my value, it’s time to set my standards.  Here’s the fun part!  I wrote out of list of my must haves in a man/relationship.  I also wrote out of list of my absolute deal breakers. These deal breakers are things that I will not bend or compromise on at all. 

I encourage you to do this.  Search your heart for what you want and what is important to you.  Everyone’s list will be different, because it is unique and custom tailored for you.  EX: If it’s important to you that he brings you flowers every Friday to kick off your weekend, then write it down. No thing is to big or to small.  Paint a picture of the man and relationship you want.

The final step- I know my value and I have written out and set my standards.  Now I have to believe that the man I described, the relationship I want; is out there for me.  And I need to be patient while waiting for it.  When I say patient, I don’t mean sitting at home bored.  I stay very busy doing the things I like to do.  Being patient means not settling for someone who doesn’t meet my standards just because I don’t want to be alone.  I believe with all of my heart the right man is out there for me.  And when the time is right, we will meet.


Jacket: Balmain (several years old), similar Here | Bodysuit: Good American | Denim: Good American | Lip: Jaclyn Cosmetics ‘In Control’

My Easy 20 Minute Makeup Look

I’ve really been enjoying a quick, more natural makeup look recently. In the past couple years it typically takes me about 30-45 minutes to do my makeup. But I do not want to spend that much time on a daily basis doing my makeup. So I’ve been playing around, trying to figure how to get my makeup look done in 20 minutes of less. I have been wearing my makeup like this for a while now, I don’t even miss the full glam with lashes.

As you can see from my makeup details I use a lot of powders. Don’t be scared of this! I have dry skin and all these powders do not dry me out. I feel this is what gives a smooth, glowing from within look. I’m not mentioning my foundation because I’m in the process of finding a new foundation. I’ve been using the same one for years and I know it’s time for something new and better. As soon as I find one I love I will let you know :)

Makeup Details:

Outfit & Hair Details:

Bodysuit: Good American | Necklaces: Here, Here, Here | Hoop Earrings | Apple Watch Band | Hair Texturizing Spray | Hair Wax Spray

How I Diet to Lose Weight

The most important thing is to have the right mind set.  I stay focused on my goals and the end result.  Dieting is never fun, but seeing the results is a lot of fun!  When I want to eat something not included in my diet, I shift my thinking on why I’m making certain food choices and the results I want to see.

I believe in living a healthy lifestyle and eating healthy the majority of the time, with the occasional splurge. Everything in moderation. I could never give up pizza or chocolate forever. Living a healthy lifestyle I maintain my weight. But if I want to lose weight I have to go into diet mode. What I’m sharing today is specifically on what I do to lose weight.

Dieting to lose weight is very different than maintenance mode.  I like to focus on weight lose for 6-8 weeks then switch over to maintenance mode for a few weeks.  I go back and forth until I have reached my goal weight.  Taking the break from dieting and switching to maintenance mode helps me to stay on track and not feel too overwhelmed when I’m dieting.  I do think it’s important to stay focused and not cheat for a minimum of 6 weeks.  It takes my body 3-4 weeks to get into fat burning mode and about 6 weeks before I see any results that are noticeable. If I am able to continue with a diet and not switch over to maintenance I keep the momentum going!  I will reach your goals faster.

I focus on the foods I get to eat rather than the foods I’m not allowing myself to eat.  “I get to eat this delicious salad” rather than “I don’t get to eat pizza”.  I have found healthy snacks that fit into my diet and have them always available.  I love eating chips, so instead I found freeze dried okra.  It gives me that similar crunch while being healthy.  I often explored my grocery store for new foods and healthy options.

I have lost 20-30 pounds several times in my life (why I keep gaining it back is a whole other story!) and this is the only plan that works for me:

  • I set myself up for success! I look at my calendar and pick a day to start.  Giving myself enough time to put a plan together and mentally prepare.
  • Focus on eating protein with veggies and some fruit (I’m not much of a fruit person so I rarely eat it).  I eat a small amount of carbs (3-4 times a week), consisting of sweet potatoes or quinoa.
  • I cook all my own food.  I was ordering healthy take out and still not losing weight.  Once I started cooking everything from scratch I started to lose weight.
  • I try to do intermittent fasting on as many days of the week that I can.  But if I’m hungry early I do eat.  I don’t starve myself.  Drinking black coffee or a sparkling water can help to curb my appetite to push back eating an hour or 2.
  • I love to eat things like tacos, sandwiches, burgers, wraps, etc.  I substitute the bread for a lettuce wrap.  Small changes like this make a big difference. I was actually surprised that most of the time I prefer a lettuce wrap. I taste more of the food I’m eating rather than just bread.
  • Don’t eat after dinner
  • Eliminate sugar and dairy. There are so many great options to substitute dairy products. I like almond milk or oat milk.
  • I get 1 cheat meal per week.  I eat whatever I want and as much of it as I want. I typically have my cheat meal on Saturday for dinner. Some weeks I plan it out based on what I’m craving. This also gives me an opportunity to go out to eat and order whatever I want with zero guilt!
  • Drink tons of water (I drink a gallon a day) and limit alcohol. I don’t drink soda or any drinks that have calories or sugar. If I do drink alcohol it is a basic vodka, soda with fresh lemon.
  • Be active at least 3 times a week, the more the better.  I mix it up with gym, running, biking, rollerblading so I don’t get bored.

A typical day of meals:


-eggs with avocado, I’ll make turkey bacon if I have time

-smoked salmon with avocado


(it’s usually leftovers from dinner or meal prep)

-salad with chicken, add any healthy toppings to mix up the flavor

-taco bowl with lettuce as the base


-protein shake, I make mine with frozen fruit, water and protein powder.  I also buy plant based protein drinks for something quick and it can travel.

-veggies with hummus

-nuts, trail mix, hard boiled egg, protein stick


(I started cooking every night and not doing take out, this made a huge difference!) depending on how much time I have determines what I will cook.

-fish or chicken and veggies, add sweet potatoes or quoina to make it more filling

-I’ve been making a lot of bowls with lettuce or quinoa and/or sweet potatoes as the base.  I add anything I want: chicken, steak, peppers, broccoli, green beans, roasted kale, avocado, corn, beans, etc. I’ve been playing around and having fun with different flavors. If it’s healthy I’ll throw it all in a bowl and see how I like it. So far I haven’t had a bowl I don’t liked.

-grilled chicken with roasted sweet potatoes and veggies

-tacos, I make shredded chicken or ground turkey. I either do a lettuce wrap or a taco bowl with lettuce as the base. I add salsa, hot sauce, avocado, peppers, jalapeños, cilantro.

In years past I would eat the same thing every day and it was very boring. This year I have explored more food options and flavors. I like to mix it up and keep my meals interesting while still being healthy. I have researched recipes online, walked around my grocery store exploring healthy foods I have never tried. The more fun I can make it the better chance I have to stick to it!


Jacket: Adidas | Top: Zella | Leggings: Adidas | Shoes: Nike


What makes the chicken so delicious is I cook it all day in my crockpot. It’s slow cooked so the chicken is tender and amazing with tons of flavor. It’s incredible!! I use this crockpot. This makes my life so easy with the kids busy schedule with sports and after school activities to have dinner ready. And I love knowing it’s healthy for all of us. I choose a lettuce wrap with healthy topping. My kids will do a tortilla with other toppings ;)

  • Chicken crockpot ingredients:
  • 1 jar of salsa, I choose mild so it’s not too spicy for my kids. I add hot sauce to my taco (I like spicy)
  • 2-3 pounds of chicken
  • Packet of taco seasoning
  • Diced red onion (I chop it up the night before and keep in my fridge for an easier and quicker morning)
  • One hour before the chicken is ready, take it out and shred it. Then put it back in the crockpot for the final hour. Use this shredding tool to make your life easier.

I showed my chicken crockpot recipe on my IG stories and saved it to my highlights. If you are a video person you can watch on my IG story highlights.

Add all the topping you want. I like salsa, hot sauce, avocado, peppers, jalapeños, cilantro. When I’m in maintenance mode and not in diet mode I will also add cheese, sour cream and crushed nacho cheese Doritos.

My Dating Diary :: The One Who Insulted My Family, Then Was Naked Crying on the Floor

I met Bachelor X at a friends wedding.  It is the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to.  It was a very romantic setting to meet someone.  X was a lot of fun; we talked and laughed and danced.  At the end of the night he asked for my number so he could take me out to dinner the following week.

He had so many interesting stories and things he has done with his life.  He is extremely hyper masculine. He would do things like climb Mt Everest in a ridiculous outfit just for fun.  He would free dive and went spear fishing in his free time.  I can’t think of much more of an over the top manly thing- free dive in the middle of the ocean with only a spear to catch a huge fish.  I was extremely attracted to all of it!

We dated for about 2-3 months.  Everything was going great and I was enjoying him and the relationship very much.  This was the first relationship I had post divorce.  Hindsight there were some red flags up front.  But I didn’t notice them.  I was just so excited to be dating someone new with a whole life of different experiences then what I had.

Then one night, everything came crashing down all in about an hour!

X had gone fishing and caught a big grouper.  He wanted to cook dinner for my family and get to know them more.  He picked me up and we went to my mom and stepdads house.  He cooked dinner in their kitchen.  It started out as such a nice night.  A home cooked meal from the grouper he caught the day before, family being together, good conversation… a great start to a night!

Then we sat down for dinner….

First X started talking about religion and how he thinks Christianity is the most bullshit religion there is on the planet.  This is news to me that he thinks this!  We previously had many discussions about religion and I had been clear on my faith of being a Christian.  He knew my entire family is Christian. But yet he sat there in my parents house insulting all of our faith.

As if that wasn’t disrespectful enough, he then turned to my sister.

For anyone who follows my sister, Jaclyn, you know she has talked openly about struggling with anxiety. X suddenly decided it was his job to “fix” her.  He began to lay into her and tells her to “just get over it!” and that she is “living the American dream and has no reason to have anxiety”.  He was aggressive with his tone and body language.  Plus, I have NEVER heard more foul language in my life!  He used more curse words than actual words as he chewed her out.  I would say 2 curses words for 1 actual word.  I mean, truly a talent! Lol 

Jaclyn did not give a reaction.  When he was done, she said she needed to use the restroom and got up from the table.  I watched her grab her purse and knew she was leaving, not going to the bathroom.  Me and my mom went out the car to apologize to her.  I was mortified that a man I was dating just spoke to my family that way.

When I came back inside and sat down at the table, X turned to me and said “did I do something wrong?”.  Ummmmmmmmm….. you think!!!  Me and my stepdad spoke to him and let him know that what he did was not okay.  He apologized and felt so bad about it, he started throwing back whiskey faster than I have ever seen.

Within 20 minutes he was drunk.  He pulled me off to the side and kept apologizing over and over for his behavior towards my family.  He kept telling me how awful he feels and went on and on about how he’s such a bad guy and doesn’t deserve me.  I told him let’s shelf this conversation for now and move on with the evening. I don’t want to have this kind of conversation at my mom and stepdads house while they are in the next room.  Seriously how awkward!

When he finally decided to rejoin the evening, he immediately passed out drunk on the couch. He obviously couldn’t drive home and he lived about an hour away.  He had picked me up in his truck, I only live 5 minutes away.  So I drove him back to my house in his truck.  I felt the only option was to let him sleep it off and send him home in the morning.

My mom and stepdad helped me put him into the truck.  He was so drunk he could barely walk.  On the short drive home, he was very chatty and even took the opportunity to call me a bitch for how bad of a driver I was.  At this point I was so pissed and was so done!  I never want to see him again!!  I was hoping he would throw up all over the inside of his truck so he would have to deal with that in the morning.  But he didn’t :/

When we got back to my house I was not in the mood to take care of him.  He was complaining about feeling nauseous and wanting to throw up.  I didn’t even care.  I told him I’m going to bed and he can handle his own shit.

As I was in my bathroom brushing my teeth, he walked thru my bathroom butt ass naked.  He went into my closet and laid down on his back with his whole body stretched out.  He began crying and saying that he is a bad guy that screwed up and doesn’t deserve me.  I had zero reaction or response.  I looked over my shoulder out of the corner of my eye to observe what was happening.  There are no words for what I was seeing.

I am so tired and over the night, and now I have a naked man on the floor of my closet crying!  I did not give a F***!  As he was laying there naked crying, I stepped over him to get my pj’s.  I literally tiptoed over him trying not to disturb him or let my presence be known, grabbed my stuff and walked out.  I left him naked crying in my closet and went to bed.

I sent him home in the morning, never saw him again.


Hoodie: BP | Denim: Good American | Sneakers: Karl Lagerfeld | Bag: Givenchy

My Dating Diary :: The One Who Got Drunk & Grabbed My Sister’s Ass

For a first date, I love meeting someone for just a drink.  I’m not committing to an entire evening, usually just about an hour.  If it goes well it can be extended longer into appetizers, possibly dinner. If it’s going bad, I can leave fairly quickly. The time together can be as short or as long as I want. 

I met Bachelor X for the first time just for a drink. I was enjoying my time, so it turned into dinner.  I had a nice evening with him but didn’t feel a “spark”.  There was nothing wrong, I just didn’t feel it. The entire evening I felt like I was having dinner with my brother.

There is nothing wrong with having a male friend that you enjoy spending time with.  I do believe that men and women can be just friends. I also wondered if maybe I should give him another chance to see if there is something there, or if he will forever be friend zoned.

We went out a second time.  We had dinner then we went to a rooftop bar for a drink.  While we were there my sister text me that she and some friends were out and invited us to come.  Why not?!  He was fun and at this point I had put him forever in the friend zone.  Let’s all go out and have a great time.  

I didn’t realize how much he had been drinking.  That is until I showed up with him and he started acting really odd.  All my friends were questioning me why I was with this guy.  But he had been acting totally normal until we walked in, so I didn’t know what was up?  

He started aimlessly wandering around the place. He was tall and was wearing a white hat so it was easy to spot him.  I remember watching him and seeing his white hat moving all over the place, not a clue what he was doing.  At one point I saw security come up and talk to him.  Not sure about what?

Then he came over and was hanging on me and my sister drunk talking and drooling (yes drooling because he was so out of control!).  He was talking about how much he likes sisters and how happy he is to be there with sisters.  It was disgusting!  He then reaches down and grabbed my sisters ass!!!  Even though he knew she was there with her boyfriend.  I was a bit surprised by his actions, as he had never even made an attempt to touch me.  Not even tried to hold my hand or put his arm around me.

At this point I wanted him gone!  So we asked the security of the place to escort him out.  He left very cordially.  It seemed as though this type of situation has happened to him before and he wanted to leave peacefully.

The most hysterical part of the whole thing is his response the next day.  He text me and was acting totally normal.  When I asked him what happened, why he left and where did he go?  (I wanted to know his perspective on the night before I said anything about what happened.) He only responded with the emoji :/. I don’t think the guy remembered a thing.  I asked him about grabbing my sisters ass, he denied that ever happened. Needless to say, we didn’t stay friends.


Collared Shirt: Abercrombie | Tank: Abercrombie | Jeans: Good American | Shoes: Steve Madden | Bag: Chanel, similar Here | Necklaces: Longer Necklace, Middle Necklace, Shortest Necklace | Hoops: Lana Jewelry, similar Here