They say our friends see us 20% better than we see ourselves. For me, I know this is true. I actually think my friends see me 100% better than I see myself. When my friends give me a compliment or tell me nice things about myself, I almost feel like they are talking about someone else. I definitely don’t see myself as great as they see me. Is this humility? Or something else?
I am a person who is very hard on myself. I expect a lot! It’s very easy for me to see my flaws and my negatives. I put a lot of attention on trying to improve my areas of weakness. Because my viewpoint is constantly looking at myself thru a lens of needing to improve, I have a hard time seeing the good in myself. If I’m not seeing the good, I decrease my value. And in turn, I automatically, without even realizing it, lower my standards.
As I was reflecting on this whole concept this week, here is my realization: I am confident as a mother, as a friend, as a family member, at work, etc. But I am so insecure when it comes to men and being in a relationship. I turn into this woman that I don’t even like. I am constantly bending and compromising. I rarely stand up for myself and voice an opinion. This isn’t my personality at all! I am strong and bold and loud; in every area of my life except men. So why do I become this meek insecure woman? Am I afraid of being alone? Am I afraid no one will love me? Am I afraid of rejection?
Then it hit me what it is- I don’t think I deserve the best. I see all my flaws and I know I’m not perfect. Therefore, I accept flaws in men that I don’t like.
Let that sink in….
Do you decrease your value? Then lower your standards?
I have spent some time reflecting on myself and thinking about my positives. It’s wild how I can be everyone’s biggest cheerleader. I am always so positive and encouraging to the people around me. But when I stopped to think about my positives, it was actually very difficult for me to look at myself that way.
I forced myself to sit in this place and really think about my positives. If I were on the outside looking in, what would I say to me? I am always so encouraging to my friends. It is time I am a good friend to myself. I know it may sound kinda weird, but this mindset helps me so much! If my best friend or my sister was going thru exactly what I am going thru, what would I say to her? How would I encourage her? I guarantee I wouldn’t call her lazy or ugly or fat. I would call out her positives and encourage her. A loving friend is so powerful.
I made a list of all my positives, what are the good things I have to offer and bring to a relationship. As I began thinking from a loving friend perspective, I realized I have a lot more positives than I have been giving myself credit for. I have been selling myself short for so long, but this will no longer continue! This gave me back my confidence and strength, I feel powerful inside! I can finally stand tall with my shoulders back, truly knowing who I am!
Now that I truly know my value, it’s time to set my standards. Here’s the fun part! I wrote out of list of my must haves in a man/relationship. I also wrote out of list of my absolute deal breakers. These deal breakers are things that I will not bend or compromise on at all.
I encourage you to do this. Search your heart for what you want and what is important to you. Everyone’s list will be different, because it is unique and custom tailored for you. EX: If it’s important to you that he brings you flowers every Friday to kick off your weekend, then write it down. No thing is to big or to small. Paint a picture of the man and relationship you want.
The final step- I know my value and I have written out and set my standards. Now I have to believe that the man I described, the relationship I want; is out there for me. And I need to be patient while waiting for it. When I say patient, I don’t mean sitting at home bored. I stay very busy doing the things I like to do. Being patient means not settling for someone who doesn’t meet my standards just because I don’t want to be alone. I believe with all of my heart the right man is out there for me. And when the time is right, we will meet.